Alright...I'm Back.

Yeah, I know...I hear your plaintive catcalls...it's been a couple of weeks. Sue me.

I wasn't back from Los Angeles 24 hours when I began to feel sick. I haven't had a cold in at least the last year and half, so it actually kind of surprised me. Then again, it didn't; planes and airports are probably just as bad as hospitals regarding germs per square-inch...fucking breeding grounds for the little bastards. And this one was a solid stay-in-the-house-for-seven-days affair. My brother said everyone at his place of work was sick, everyone at my girl's place of work was sick, yadda yadda yadda. Chalk another marker in the "Cons" section under the heading "Reasons To Stay Away From People You Don't Know".

And so my week of sickness bled into, invariably, my girl becoming sick for a week. Which (and the misery stops here) bled into my mother, sister, and brand-spanking-new niece Presley coming to visit. They were originally to stay with me for four days and then with my brother for four days, but since my girl was still sicked-out, they ended up taking root over at my bro's.

We did the (sarcasm alert) usual litany of things you do when someone visits you in Minneapolis; eat out every day and go to the Mall of America. And they got lucky. The weather gods took mercy on my Californian loved ones and we even got to barbecue a ridiculous amount of food and eat it out on the deck one night.

Anyway, it was great to see them again in such quick succession. It was the first time they have come to visit me in Minneapolis since I moved here in 1996. Long overdue, but I can't complain. I haven't always been in such great shape, mentally and chemically, over the years. Things happen when they should happen I suppose.

So there's my excuse for being incommunicado.

On other fronts, I am now teaching guitar at The School Of Rock, in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Daryll Hurst, the head engineer over at Winterland Studios where I'm working with the band Wrecking Day, sent me an email tipping me off that they needed a guitar teacher. Two days and one interview later I had the gig. I just had my first two students this past Monday. A precocious 6-year-old (!) named Chase, and a surly 16-year-old named Colin. I guess I did pretty well, because they called me later that evening, and asked if I could substitute for another teacher the next day, which I gladly did. They've got a really cool program over there; it definitely goes beyond just lessons and into creating a set list, rehearsing with your "band", and playing a show. The fall shows are at Trocaderos in downtown Minneapolis on January 17th and 18th. I'm really looking forward to seeing my students hard work put into practice.

A'ight. I'm 5000.

Just checkin'.

Hehe...

(In the snottiest tone possible) "Sent from my iPhone"

Now I'm One Of Them

After the last few posts, all detailed with stunning photos and colorful verbage, I was sitting here thinking that I felt like writing but didn't really have anything of great importance to spout about. Then I remembered that this is a blog. I don't always have the most exciting shit to hype up, but after stumbling upon shit like this, I don't feel so bad.

My girl suprised me with an iPhone when she got home from work today. I've been coveting my keyboardist's for the last month; so much so that I created an "iPhonion" out of a large yellow onion and a Sharpie, both found in my guitarist's kitchen when we were in LA a couple of weeks ago. When I needed to clear the screen, I just peeled off a layer.

It kicked ass.

But not like this sexy little black fucker. It's 4am, and I've been online since about 10pm learning the ins, outs, and hacks for what is now my new favorite toy. I also loaded it up with a bunch of albums (The new TV On The Radio "Dear Science,", Nirvana's "Incesticide", The Scorpions "Blackout", My Bloody Valentine's "Loveless", and Mitch Hedberg's recent posthumous release "Do You Believe In Gosh?") and converted a bunch of episodes of Drawn Together to shove in there. I will never be bored in a waiting room or on an airplane again, this much is certain. But the other great thing about this phone, besides all the bells and whistles (of which there are many), is that it actually has quite a number of things I'll actually use, as opposed to some bullshit phone loaded with half-assed web browsers, cameras that suck, and slow as fuck connections. This phone is the closest you can get to having an actual computer with you at all times. And I fucking love my computer, man. Now I can find out if Robert Englund is alive or dead at the drop of a hat. While driving. With a loaded firearm.

Isn't this country just grand?

I'll swerve hard left for an ending, and hip you to my new favorite blog. The guy that writes it, WoundedPoodle, sounds completely raving batshit and his arguments leave something to be desired, but I dig his sentiment. In more ways than one, I am indeed now "one of them".

Ciao' bitches!

Los Angeles/Week Two: Play

And what a week it was!

I picked up my darling girl at LAX bright and early Monday morning (I was actually early if you can believe it), and headed back to my guitar player's apartment in West L.A. to grab my suitcases and get our asses up to the Magic Castle Hotel.



Funky little number...used to be an apartment building, so there's only maybe 15 rooms. Clean and heated pool right in the middle of the place. We set up shop, took care of business, and pretty much headed straight for what I consider to be the best Mexican food in Hollywood, Los Burritos:


I fucking dream about this place. It's so good it makes me want to walk into my local Scandinavian-owned Chipotle, fire-bomb the kitchen, and gun down all of the wide-eyed, apologetic Nordic patrons (Oofta! Sorry ta get in yer line of fire dere!). And while many of the authentic places down on East Lake Street are pretty good, in no way do they come close to achieving the awesomeness that is Los Burritos. I can't even eat Mexican food for the next month now because it'll just make me fucking angry.

Wow. A burrito rant. I honestly didn't see that coming.

Anyway, since I was with my girl, who has only spent a very brief amount of time in Los Angeles when she was younger, I took her around to a lot of "touristy" spots in addition to some of the hidden gems that your average tourist has no idea about. It was really cool being there in a tourguide capacity in that I saw and did quite a few things that, while growing up and living there for 20 years, I never got around to. Highlights included:

*Driving through Mulholland with the top down.

*The Griffith Observatory.

*Venice Beach (where you can find hand-painted Day of the Dead skulls for $15 and a bum singing "Jingle Bells/Jingle bells/I wanna get drunk" while holding a sign that says "World's Greatest Wino")...


*The Santa Monica Pier topside...


...and underneath...



*Yamashiro, a sushi place housed in a reproduction of a Japanese pagoda 250 feet up in the Hollywood Hills.

*Gladstone's in Maibu, where I destroyed a 4.5 pound lobster, liver and all.

*The Museum of Death on Sunset. The owners JD and Cathy are great people and very accommodating; they weren't even completely open yet and gave us full run of the place. JD is also friends with guys like Genesis P-Orridge, Monte Cazazza, and Ron Athey, which we talked at length about, and which makes him markedly more interesting than your average human being.

*The Hollywood Wax Museum, where I finally got to see Cameron Diaz's tits...


*And of course,The Hollywood sign, where after about 90 minutes and almost giving up, I finally found the little turnout right below it. We could have thrown a rock and hit the fucker...



It was great to see Los Angeles through fresh eyes. And the good news is we'll be going back again at Christmastime for a week or so. The bad news is that I'm back in a city that is comparatively lackluster: dull food, awful weather, and the same 8 things to do since I don't drink and don't like to hang out in bars with drunk people. I know I sound all severe and dramatic, but after having everything I love all in (one) place, it made it very difficult to return to this small, finite, feedback loop of a city. Not to mention that the weather is already turning shitty and will do nothing but get worse and stay that way for the next 7 months. No matter how you slice it, there is MUCH more to see, hear, feel, and experience in California than there is here in Minnesota. It's not an opinion; it's a fact. Of course there's things to do here that you can't do there. I'm just sayin'...

Ah...maybe I am being all severe and dramatic. I have a wonderful woman, a beautiful house in a great neighborhood, my health (except for this goddamn cold), my sobriety. I'm sure it's just the excitement of vacation wearing off.


Oh, hey...wouldja look at that...it's 41 degrees outside.


Awesome!